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05/03/2010

Where must I look?
Why did I turn my back?
I look around and see unfamiliar faces,
yet the face that makes me happy
is the one I put the blame on.

Which path leads me to a better place,
a place where shame cannot shelter?
Where is the guiding beam of light
that grants illumination of the mind?

I am to bear this burden,
yet the fault is not mine nor his,
but ours—which we failed to nurture.

Peace was ours, yet we chose war.
Moments of purity were within grasp;
like a petal, they were plucked from our souls.
We created our destiny, and destiny tore us apart.

We were good as two,
but as one, we failed.
The bigger picture lingers in my mind,
yet the small became the priority.

Should forgiveness be asked over and over?
Should another chance be given?
Will these wounds heal in time,
before love itself expires?

___

06/03/2010

My heart was true—
that much he knew.
Our love was strong;
where did it go wrong?

My mind was clear,
yet we lived in fear.
My faith never wavered;
it is yet to be savored.

___

07/03/2010

I long to be nineteen again,
when all I wanted was to chase away my virtues.
At the prime of life, when childhood fancies
gave way to adult proclamations,
it was a time when beauty was skin-deep,
and the pace at which I gambled with life
never seemed to take its toll.

Self-indulgence surrendered to no one,
and I chose to asphyxiate self-control.
Time came and went,
with every action unaccounted for.
I had no shame, but lessons were learned,
and the campaign for truth was linear.

Now all that seems true feels careless.

 ___ 

07/03/2010

New faces
adorn my screen—
too young or too old,
nothing in between.

No one left.
He’s far away;
past mistakes,
I’m left to pay.

Hope fades
as the tide rolls in.
I ask myself,
to whom have I sinned?

___

08/03/2010

The thought of him cramps my stomach.
It is a pain that bears the mark of a martyr,
yet I have been less than self-sacrificing,
for all I did was point the finger.

This is it for us as singular.
We, as plural, live lives apart -
him in the country, I in the city,
both forgetting where to start.

That is life, but it’s not the end.
The past has no place in our future.
With heart and mind given over,
what we destroyed, we shall nurture.

___

08/03/2010

My wits stray from sunlight to shadow,
while I remember the trip to Vienna.
I wipe the sleep from my eyes
and think of Good Times together.

I take a deep breath and exhale;
the bitter morning air fills my chest.
I clean up the mess that is my home,
but fail to clean myself at best.

The tune of a fading voice remains.
Terre d’Hermès lingers in my bed.
I change the sheets, but to no avail—
the scent has settled in my head.

Drifting between sunlight and shadow,
his memory keeps my bed warm.
Days are too long, while nights give way
to a sky where thunderclouds form.

___ 

09/03/2010

I am most ugly
when dull thoughts fill my mind
in the dead of night.
The mind stirs with one eye blind.

I talk to no one,
but everyone hears my cry.
Nowhere to turn,
I set myself up for the fall.

Emotions wane,
and I confuse shock with euphoria.
I pray in his name
for the sweet thrill of surrender.

My voice dissolves
as I try to make things clearer.
Grant me one wish:
so we could all sleep easier.

___

10/03/2010

I owe him more than he does to me,
since lies were told both ways.
Each and every time we called a truce,
we tried to remember better days.

As I emerge from the wreck,
I stand by this little prophecy:
that time will be my healer,
to be single without the urgency.

___

10/03/2010

All this talking—
and to what end?
Fistless fights
around the bend.

We turn a blind eye,
but the damage is done.
Another verbal joust,
and we become undone.

All this pain,
without sense or reason.
Our moods swing
like the changing season.

My heart is tender,
and so is your pride.
Where do we go
to put our fears aside?

Love is blind,
or so they say.
Love is the reason
you should stay.

But we rushed a love
that could not be.
This is our curse—
that much we agree.

In time we shall see
what fate will bring.
This song now ends
at the onset of Spring.

___

11/03/2010

If and when we meet again,
will it be anti-climactic?
Will we be familiar strangers,
and laugh at being over-dramatic?

If and when we kiss again,
would it make us coy?
Our minds once read as one,
where speech needed no voice.

Indeed, I hope we meet again
when both our manners are calm.
For who have not made mistakes,
let those raise their palm.

So let us meet each other again,
for our lives are fused as one.
Even as friends I would not mind.
Just say the word, and I will come.

___

20/03/2010

Almost a month,
and the same charade.
Now is the time
that peace is made.

Where do we go
to move ahead?
This pit where I lie
has become my bed.

I need to know
who and where you are.
I feel you near
when you are far.

There comes a time
when our time must end,
only to begin again
as we become friends.